Just Another Reminder
by Zania
Summary: [shounen ai] Duo hates being alone on Valentines Day...


**Title:** Just Another Reminder  
**Author:** Zania  
**Pairings:** 2+5  
**Warning:** shounen ai, angst, sap 

* * *

I hate Valentine's Day. I know the day is over, it's after midnight, but it's still on my mind and I still hate it. It reminds me of everything I don't have, everything I've lost or could never get in the first place. It's just a reminder of how lonely I am, longing for companionship, but still turning it away. It's a weakness that I rarely acknowledge in myself, ignoring it to the best of my ability.

Sinking back into the couch, I pull a quilt up around my body as I stare into the flames of the fire. This is my bed for the night, even though I have my own room this time. There's just too much noise upstairs, between Quatre, Trowa, Heero, and Relena. I never would have guessed that the two blondes are NOT the loud ones, but now I proof that I am unable to escape. Duo's not even here. I think he went out with Hilde, but I'm not quite sure. I spent most of the day alone, away from the others, so I don't know what their plans were. I had no intention of watching them be lovey-dovey all day, so I opted to spend it meditating and working on my Gundam. Yes, I'm fully aware that I was isolating myself, encouraging the loneliness that I hate so much, but it's better than being reminded of what I'm missing and today it would be more obvious than ever.

Someone's at the door, the noise stirring my out of my self-pity party. It could only be Duo, but I'm not quite sure where he's planning to go. He definitely can't take Hilde up to his room, since it's already occupied by one perfect soldier and his princess, but I'm not willing to give up my spot on the couch.

"Awww... shit. Where am I supposed to sleep? Don't you have a room, Fei?"

I glance over at the door to see him hanging up his coat. I'm about to answer him when a loud moan sounds throughout the house, replying to my question for me.

"Oh, I see..."

I look around the room, slightly confused.

"Where's Hilde?"

He gives me a weird look as he makes his way over to the couch and I slide my feet up towards me, giving him room to set at the other end.

"How should I know?"

Ok, now I'm completely lost.

"Weren't you with her today? It is Valentine's Day..."

He crosses his arms across his chest, a look of disgust on his face.

"Don't remind me. Should be called 'Singles Awareness Day'......... What's it have to do with Hilde?"

It suddenly occurs to me that I might have been wrong to assume that they were together. Now I just have to know and I let my curiosity get the best of me.

"Duo... are you and Hilde... together?"

His eyes go wide for a few seconds before he breaks down laughing, his hand gripping my knee as he leans over grasping for air. I can feel my face flaming up in embarrassment, though I still don't know what his answer is or while he thinks the answer is so funny.

"I'm sorry, Fei. I just... didn't realize you thought that. No, we are not together, nor will we ever be."

He's grinning now and I feel like an idiot.

"Why not? You two seem to get along well enough. It's clear that the girl likes you and I've seen you flirt with her. Are you not compatible in some way that I'm not aware of?"

Duo backs of into the corner of the couch, removing his hand from my knee as if he's been burned while staring intensely at the floor.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that..."

I scowl now, annoyed with the vagueness of his answer. For someone normally so chatty, he's obviously avoiding the question. I refuse to let him get away with this.

"So what is it then? What is it that makes you so incompatible?"

His smile is gone now and I'm wondering if I should just drop it. He shuffles his his feet along the floor, knocking his shoes off before pulling them up to his body, closing in on himself. I'm about to tell him not to worry about it when he speaks again.

"Our... preferences."

"What kind of preferences, Maxwell?"

I blurt it out before I really think about it, sounding harsher than I intend. He won't even look at me as he answers, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Our sexual preferences..."

For a brief moment I think that maybe it's Hilde that doesn't like him, but then he wouldn't be so nervous about admitting such a thing. Upset maybe, but not shaking the way he is now. I suddenly realize that he looks closer to crying than I've ever seen him, rocking back and forth, taking deep breaths.

"Duo, are you ok?"

He shakes his head without looking at me, his eyes purposely diverted from my own. Slowly, I lean over and grab his shoulder, pulling his towards me, into my arms. The minute his face hits my chest, he begins to sob uncontrollably. I lay down and he rests upon me as he cries while I run circles across his back.

Why is he so upset about telling me this? Quatre and Trowa don't bother me, so why should he? I have so many questions now, but all I can offer are comforting words until his breath evens out and his eyes begin to dry. It's so odd to see him like this, the boy who always smiles.

"I'm sorry, Fei... I just... I didn't mean to..."

He tries to pull away and I hold him closer. He has nowhere to go but the other side of the couch and I don't intend to let him crawl back into his shell.

"It's ok, Duo. I don't care."

Duo shakes his head again and I wonder if I'm missing something here.

"I just... I don't know... I can't... I... I..."

"Duo, what are you talking about? I don't care if you're gay-"

I think that was the wrong thing to say because now he's crying again, even harder than before.

"You d-don't understand. I tried so hard n-not to be, but... but I can't... why... I... I n-never told any-anyone... I-I just hate b-being alone..."

Oh God... No wonder he's so upset. I'm the first one he's ever told, the first time he's actually come to terms with himself and... he's scared. Duo Maxwell, the great Shinigami, is scared... and lonely... just like me.

"Shhhh... It doesn't matter... It's ok... You're not alone."

Amethyst eyes gaze up at me, clouded over with tears in their confusion. It's so odd to see him like this, so vulnerable.

"I'm not?"

I brush his bangs out of his face and his lips quiver, eyes locked on my own.

"No, you're not."

Duo closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and then suddenly his lips are on mine. I don't know what to do. This isn't really what I meant. I've never kissed another guy and I wasn't really ever planning to, but pushing him away would upset him even more. I really don't want to reject him, to hurt him like that, so I close my eyes and do my best to return the kiss.

It takes me a few moments to get over the intense fear that is growing inside me. Fear... because I'm feeling more in this one kiss than I've felt in a long time... and it's with another boy. I suddenly have a much better understanding of what it is that Duo's going through, why it was so hard to tell me. It's one thing to accept it from another and to accept it in yourself.

But his kiss... there's so much feeling in it. Loneliness, hurt, and worry are there, but there's also a tenderness, a gentleness that holds so much passion, affection and kindness that I can't help but notice it. It's a reminder of all the other emotions that I've been missing, just another reminder of all the love that's been missing from my life... but now it's not out of reach. It's actually within my grasp. In this moment, with his lips on mine, I feel more alive than I have in years.

His tongue slides along my lips, asking for entrance and I comply without a second thought. It feels so natural to have him in my arms, his mouth upon mine. I know that this is right, totally by accident, but right. He's always been special in my mind, but now there's something more, caused by the best misunderstanding of my life.

He breaks the kiss and rests his hands on my chest, smiling shyly as he meets my eyes. I can't help but smile in return. How long has it been since I felt so content? All I want to do is sleep now, with him in my arms. Sleep...

"Duo? You wanna... go upstairs and sleep... in my room?"

I've never heard my voice shake so much. It's an innocent question, really. The noises have stopped and I have my own room. There's no reason for his to stay down here on the couch, though, when he could share the bed with me. I don't want to leave him, but I want to move. I'm not ready for the others to know about this and I know he's not either, so it'd be best if they didn't come down tomorrow morning to see us cuddled together on the couch.

Duo nods his head and places a small kiss on my lips before rising from the couch. I take his hand and he follows me quietly up the stairs, into my bedroom. I only have a twin, but it's better than the couch. We both look away nervously, blushing as we remove our clothes down to our boxers and climb into bed.

Somehow, we manage lay facing each other, not touching at all. I'm about to fall off the back and I know that he MUST be having the same problem. I laugh softly to myself before pulling him closer, into my arms like he was downstairs. It's amazing how the change of setting can change the atmosphere so much. I want the closeness that we had on the couch, but I don't know how to get it.

Duo looks up at me and brings our lips together one last time before laying his head on my chest. There... everything's perfect. That feeling's back again.

"Goodnight, Fei."

I nuzzle my nose into his hair, smelling his strawberry-scented shampoo, and smile once again. I know now that every time I see strawberries, I'll think of him and this night, and it will be just another reminder of the happiness I've found. I hug him tightly as I press a single kiss to the top of his head.

"Goodnight, Duo."

~Owari~


End file.
